Five becomes Four
by TheRoyalAddict
Summary: ITV The Royal.My take on what happens to Jill after losing the baby. How will Gordon cope without his true love?
1. Chapter 1

She'd gone. She'd left this world. Now Jill was at peace but the others around her were distraught, unable to comprehend what had just happened in front of their eyes. Barely able to understand how the strong, funny and compassionate female Doctor from 'The Royal' had come to die.

Jill had miscarried her baby, the child that she hadn't yet told Gordon about. Her uterus had also ruptured leading to catastrophic bleeding and before Mr .Rose had chance to operate she'd died. Gordon had been by her side throughout the short ordeal, he didn't have chance to take in that his wife had miscarried a un-be known child of his.

Gordon had run into the emergency department to see his wife on the bed surrounded by their colleagues. She was squirming with pain and crying out, at the sight of his wife suffering so much his heart shattered. If it had been a patient the same sight would have caused him great distress, but this was the woman he loved so dearly; words weren't enough.

'Jill?' Gordon had exclaimed as he'd ran to her side  
'I'm sorry G-Gordon' Jill had cried whilst trying to fight the pain  
'What ever happened sweetheart?'  
'Low blood pressure, fast pulse, abdominal pain, guarding in the right iliac' had explained Jill's symptoms knowing that Gordon would understand instantly.  
'E-ec-ectopic' Jill had butted in, still crying  
'Don't be ridiculous, you're not pregnant' Gordon had mumbled whilst holding Jill's hand and stroking her hair; confused.  
'She is, she found out yesterday' Mike had jumped in, astonishing Gordon.  
'I'm s-sorry, sorry' Jill had spoke those words, as if begging for forgiveness  
'It's okay, come on it's okay, it's okay Jill' Gordon then tried to reassure Jill the best he could, but the words were also aimed to reassure him as well.

Once they had been able to control the pain, Jill got chance to say a few words to Jill. Words that Gordon would now come to cherish forever.

'I had some abdominal pain earlier today, I should have realised really' Jill had spoken quietly, drowsy from the morphine.  
'You need to rest now, we're going to get you to Ashfordly General. Everything's going to be alright' Gordon had been stood beside her, trying to comfort her as much as possible.  
'It's my fault' Then Jill broke down again 'You see, I thought I didn't want another child'  
'You didn't?'  
'And now I'm being p-punished' And then she was gone.  
'Jill? Jill can you hear me? Jill!' Shouted Gordon, trying to wake her back up again.

But Jill never woke up again, she'd lost consciousness as her blood pressure continued to fall. The fight was too much for her body and she arrested. Her colleagues tried in vain for over half an hour to bring her back but their efforts failed. Gordon stood beside her throughout it, frustrated, upset and confused. He spoke words of love to her not caring that there were people around them. And when it was painfully agreed that there was no use in carrying on Gordon had shouted in anger, he hated it when people gave up but this was different.

'No, look we've got to keep going. She needs us. JILL! Come on love wake up' Gordon had shouted and then carried on attempting to bring her back. In the end Doctor Banner and had to restrain him. He eventually broke down, fell against the wall and slid onto the floor. The first real emotion he'd shown to his colleagues in all the time they'd worked together.


	2. Chapter 2

In the hours that followed Jill's sudden death Gordon sat in a world of his own not wanting to leave Jill's side. He felt that if the connection wasn't broken then she hadn't really gone. After the 'time of death' was announced he'd sat beside her, holding her hand and telling her everything he wished he'd of said when she was alive.

'We had fun didn't we? They say good things come to those who wait and they're right. I had to wait for you to come into my life but it was so worth it. I'll never forget you Jill, that's one thing you can be absolutely certain. And I'll make sure that Jonathon knows how amazing his mummy was and how much you loved him. How am I going to tell them, hey? How am I going to explain to our children that their mums gone, that she's not coming home again? How am I meant to explain when I don't even understand? But there's one thing you must know Jill, I will always love you and there'll always be a part of me missing.' He stroked her hair whilst taking in every little detail of her body that he was so familiar with.

He'd been unlucky in love, first marrying a woman that hadn't really loved him and then losing her, and now his second wife had died. But this time it was different. Last time he'd felt relief when Caroline had died but now he was heartbroken. This woman truly was the woman of his dreams, the woman he had planned to have more children with and spend the rest of his life with. She'd been taken far too soon and he couldn't get his head around a life without her.

After hours, just sitting with her he knew it was time to leave; to go home and explain to their children what had happened. He stood up; his face stained with tears, leaned over Jill and planted a kiss on her cheek.

'Good Bye my love' his voice thick with emotion. He took one last look at his wife who was lying so peacefully as if she was asleep, turned and walked out of the room. The corridor was full of their colleagues, and it was clear that everybody had been affected by the events of that day. Even the strong and harsh looked as if he had been crying. This was the man who felt that woman weren't as good as men and had constantly undermined Jill.

Gordon acknowledged them as best he could, bowed his head and slowly walked down the corridor. The hospital was silent with all eyes following him. They couldn't imagine how Gordon must have been feeling; going home to three children now motherless, him now wifeless without his soul friend beside him. They all knew how much Gordon loved Jill, it was clear in the facial expressions he gave her, the way he spoke to her but above all the way he treated her. They also knew that Jill had loved him dearly, he was as she put it her 'first true love' and the man she wanted to 'spend the rest of her life with.' But it had cruelly been ripped from both of them.


	3. Chapter 3

It had taken Gordon days to tell his children about the death of their mother. He knew that really she wasn't Tom and Katie's mum but they loved her as if she was and she'd treated them as if they were her own. To start off with he'd told them that their mother was away for a few days but she loved them very much. He found it hard not to cry when talking about her, knowing that really she wasn't coming back at all. Shortly after his mother arrived to look after the three children, giving Gordon the space he so desperately needed to get his head around what had happened and time to organise things.

But he had questions spinning around his head; questions that would never be able to be answered. 'Why hadn't she told me about the pregnancy? Was she scared of me? Didn't she love me enough? Was she worried about what I'd say?' Questions that only Jill could ever have answered. But he wasn't angry at her, he was angry at himself. Gordon kept telling himself that he should have been a better husband, more caring and compassionate; all nonsense of course. He had been caring and loving. He'd sat with her for hours when she was pregnant with Jonathon; holding her hair as she'd suffered from morning sickness. He'd stood by her side whilst she gave birth to their son. He'd spent nights on end holding her as she slept, thankful for the amazing wife he had.

But now all that was gone. The one person he could trust, the one person that was always by his side, the one person he loved with all his heart; she was gone. Dr Jill Weatherill had lost her life in the most horrific of ways and had left her wonderful family behind. Gordon knew he'd never get over it but he had to focus on the future, her funeral; he wanted to give her the best send off he could because she deserved it.

And he was left with three children to raise, all under ten. He was a brilliant father but Jill was the best with coping with them when they wouldn't do as their told, when they had nightmares and when they needed a hug and somebody to hold them. He'd always said she was born to be a mother. But now he'd have to fill her role as well as grieve for his beloved wife.


	4. Chapter 4

_The day of the funeral_

The streets were lined with mourners, all there to pay their respects to the late Dr Jill Weatherill. She was well known in Aidensfield; the only female Doctor at 'The Royal.' She was known for her compassion and her love for her well forged career. It was clear that she would be deeply missed and that there would always be a piece of Aidensfield missing without her around. The one person that stood up for the 'working woman' was gone.

Gordon followed the solid oak coffin into the church, accompanied by Tom and Katie by his side and Jonathon in his arms. Following them were hundreds of mourners. The amount of people was truly astonishing and meant there was far too many for the Church to hold. Over half of them had to pile outside the door, but Gordon felt comforted that so many people felt the same way as he did.

Inside the Church there were family, friends and work colleagues. Gordon sat at the front with the three children, her parents and his mum; the coffin placed just feet away from them. There was a true sense of loss within the building, each person remembering Jill in their own way. Speeches from several people were read out, all of them outlining what Jill meant to them and stating the way she'd touched their lives.

Then it was Gordon's turn to pay his respects out loud. He stood up, handing Jonathon to his mother, and then walked slowly over to the altar; placing a hand on the coffin briefly.

'Funny isn't it? Not for one moment did I ever imagine I'd be standing here at my wife's funeral. I took it that she'd far outlive me and that in fact she'd be the one standing here doing this job, but I was wrong. I'm not an emotional man, not one to show my emotion to my friends and colleagues but this is an exception. You see, Jill was my wife. But not just my wife, my best friend and my soul mate. With her by my side I could face anything and know it would be okay.  
Not only did she take on the job of becoming a mother figure for my two children she gave me the selfless gift of another child. And I know that Tom and Katie would agree that Jill treated them like her own and they loved her as if she was their mum. Jonathon will never get to know her; he'll never be able to make memories with her. She'll never see him take his first steps, or start school or get married and that truly hurts. And the reason she's lying here is because of me. Because she didn't know how I'd react to another child, and for that I'm so very sorry.  
Jill, you'll always be my true love. And I'll talk about you regularly to the child and make sure your memory lives on. And until we meet again a part of me will always be missing. I will always love you Jill, that's one thing you can be absolutely certain of.'

And with that Gordon slowly walked away from the alter, back to his seat. As he'd spoken to the audience his voice had started to become thick with emotion, his eyes tearing and a lump forming in his throat. They were words spoken straight from the heart, and ones that people would remember forever.


	5. Chapter 5

The weeks that followed were difficult for Gordon. He found each day a struggle and just getting out of bed was a task in itself but he knew he had to carry on for the sake of their kids. Tom and Katie were well aware of Jill's absence and were deeply affected by her passing but Jonathon was mostly ignorant to her disappearance. There had been several times when Jonathon had cried for hours on end during the night but nothing would sooth him; Gordon could only guess that he was missing his mother's loving touch.

Everyday tasks now seemed strange to Gordon without Jill besides him; drying the dishes whilst she washed them, cuddling on the sofa at night, hearing her sing in the morning and so on. Jill's belongings still lay around the house; Gordon didn't have the heart to store then away, not yet anyway. Her tooth brush was still next to his in their en-suite, her half of the wardrobe still full of her clothes and her medical magazines lay on the coffee table in the living room just as she'd left them. It felt that if none of that ever changed, if her things still surrounded them, then he'd never really have to face up to the fact that she was gone.

But of course deep down he knew she was gone, that Jill was never coming back. Gordon found it hard to face up to the facts but it was important if he and his family were ever going to move on from the tragic event. He'd taken the brave move to go back to work; a move that some thought was too soon after the tragic happenings but Gordon felt it was the right decision. It gave them, as a family, some sort of normality and routine.

The new routine was hard to adjust to, there was just one adult in the house now trying to cope with three children; getting them up and ready for school before Gordon himself had to dash off to work but somehow it worked. Tom & Katie behaved as best they could and had been co-operating rather well since Jill's funeral. They didn't have the heart to misbehave and cause trouble; it was just Jonathon that Gordon struggled with. Jonathon didn't understand what had happened therefore he made no allowances for a missing parent; he kept Gordon up at night crying, he refused to eat and do as his told. And whilst Jonathon did these things Gordon couldn't help but realise that they were the things Jill usually dealt with. Jill used to sit up with him for hours in the night trying to get him off to sleep; she did the funny aeroplane sounds to get him to eat and gave him the motherly love that he so badly needed. They were things that Gordon could do but wasn't as talented an it made Gordon realise what a big part of the Ormerod family they had lost.

Jill's car still sat in the drive way, Gordon had returned it back to where it belonged several days after Jill's passing. Her diary still sat in the glove compartment along with a torch and map, her coat and a bag of spare clothing and shoes in the boot. Gordon didn't know what he was going to do with it but he knew it was too soon to get rid of it, it was a part of Jill that he wanted to keep for as long as possible. Whilst he'd always driven the larger family car, Jill had always stuck with her trustworthy classic mini. It was big enough for her and the children when Gordon wasn't at home but small enough for her to do her house calls during working hours.

It may not have been obvious to them yet but in the long run they'd manage okay without Jill. Yes there'd always be part of them missing without her; a spare place at the table, nobody to call mum... but they'd manage because Gordon was determined to do her proud and raise their three children as she'd wanted. Dr Jill Weatherill lived on in them.


End file.
